When Should Parents Get Involved with School Safety?

When should a parent get involved when they become aware of a threat of violence at their child’s school?

This question comes up more often than we may know. I have written about the reluctance of people to call 9-1-1 or to push a panic button; refer to my blog, “Pushing the Big Red Button”. There is a feeling that if we call 9-1-1 or push a panic button, we may beg to be wrong, or maybe it wasn’t as bad as we initially thought. Several studies conducted by the federal government study the role bystanders play in an incident. These studies are the premise of the “See something, Say something” campaign. However, when we say something, we feel nothing will happen. So what is the point? So, when should parents get involved in school incidents?

While I am not a psychologist and have minimal experience in childhood development, I have a great deal of experience dealing with violence and some of the reasons behind it. Violence is used to establish dominance among one’s peers. Violence is also used to regain control from someone who controls you. Both of these examples are significant components of the “Bullying Cycle.” If we are to break the Bullying Cycle, we have to interrupt the actual actions of violence we are witnessing and determine why they are occurring. The sooner we address violence and bullying issues, the better our chances of interrupting the cycle of bullying and violence become.

So, let’s return to the original question: When should a parent get involved? The short answer is whenever they feel the need to get involved. The long answer is that it depends on the circumstances. Ultimately, it is the parents that drive the safety of their children. If a parent sees evidence of either violence or bullying, they should make their schools aware as soon as possible. Seeing repeated instances of violence could lead one to believe this is a more significant problem and potentially systemic to the school's culture. Of course, if we report it as soon as we see it, it increases our opportunity to prevent it from occurring. However, if it continues, this is when we should start attempting to address violence and bullying from a larger perspective. It can be beneficial to start this conversation with the school administration to allow them to succeed and show progress in preventing bullying and violence. Moving the conversation to a larger audience should be based on the progress you see.

What is the approach you should take when starting these difficult conversations? Of course, we should never (well, rarely) start a conversation from a position of anger. While topics such as bullying and violence can cause all sorts of emotions, depending on your situation and involvement, setting your feelings aside and looking toward a solution will go a long way in attaining the results you want. Suppose we start a conversation about bullying and violence from a position where we understand that most of our school administrators and teachers try their best with the available resources. In that case, we are likely to have better success.

We must have these types of conversations with our school administrators, and the sooner we do that, the more successful we will become. This is about the safety of your child(ren), and ultimately, it is your responsibility to keep them safe, even if that requires getting someone else to do their job.

Join us next week as we explore the ways in which parents can assist in the school safety program.